“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” Albert Camus
Hello to you 🙂 !! I know, I know…I have been M.I.A for six months now (the shame). I actually realized a few days ago it has been six months and I was shocked, ‘did I drop the ball like that?’ Yes, yes you did girl (conversing with myself). Well what happened? Why did I disappear? Did you stop blogging? Are some of the questions I got asked by you awesome folks. OPEN HEART POST ALERT.
I honestly want to say there is no excuse that can get me off this unless I was in a coma or estranged on a deserted island. My point is I could have done better and I could have put in more effort, but I didn’t. Why? Well I can blame it on finances, school work load or even time. The truth is I have been struggling with my inner thoughts and feelings towards life. I have this condition known as Polycystic Ovaries (PCO) and it does mess up your hormonal balance this means you can experience anxiety, depression etc. for no other reason other than your imbalanced. I have been doing a lot of research on it since i was diagnosed about a year ago, if you want to know more about it tell me. So for a few months I had been feeling really down and at some point plain depressed. I didn’t want to get out of bed, bath or just be in the outside world and I cried like a starved, wet baby aka I cried majority of my nights. There was no reason for me to feel this way other than my imbalanced hormones and my PCO is genetic, several family members have it too. I would get great ideas and not write them down as I usually would, I doubted myself constantly. Also looking for a job and school work did not help the situation as it was stressful. As I type this I still procrastinate on my thesis, I have this anxiety about it that I can’t seem to shake it off. Through this journey I have learnt that it is okay not to be okay and to shutdown, but what is not okay is to make that space you are in your comfort spot. All you know is that awful depressed feeling so when it’s not there you coerce it to return so as not to feel ‘lonely and lost’ without that feeling you have become oh so familiar to you. Also, there is no foolproof solution, but rather getting better at how you handle the situation when it relapses. Honestly, prayer really worked for me, but at first it did not because I didn’t do it with the conviction that God will definitely help me. So there were a few rounds of trial and error but I never quite and God never quits on you either. I also started focusing on things I love and make me happy, because I realized I had abandoned my own happiness chasing the wind. So I’m painting more, took a karate (Goju-Ryu) class (I’m obsessed with martial arts), listen to more music and hang out more with friends. Plus, having awesome people around you to lift you up is very necessary.
I have got out of that space and mind frame and I can say confidently next time I go through a similar or worse of situation I can handle it better. Not to say I have perfected it but life is a continual lesson, you never stop learning and making yourself better. One thing is for sure no price should be too high that it costs you your happiness; because that is the day you sell your birth right. It is everyone’s right to live a happy and healthy life whatever that looks like to you. We were not created to be miserable beings, focused on a meaningless paper chase, where material things become our main goal forgetting we are more than just flesh and blood, we are spiritual beings. We will leave these bodies behind but our spirits will live on. So as Lauryn Hill said in Doo Wop, ‘how you gonna win, when you ain’t right within?’ You must take care of who you really are from within and only then can you transfer that positive energy to the outside world so as to now physically manifest into the things your heart desires.
Glad to say the past two months have been awesome, I started a company with my sister that sells cold pressed oils from all over Africa and beyond its called Alkebulan Roots check it out here.Also, this Saturday I am part of Fashion Bloggers Runway Show (FBRS) 2018. I get to style models, which is an exciting challenge (I am choosing to do things I love) and I would love for you guys to come through and have a good time; great vibes, fashion and people. I also have a ticket discount code for you guys SIRO#FBRS2018.I am looking forward to seeing you guys there! Remember, get it right within to get it right with life. Hope this helped you understand where I have been the past half year, haa c’est la vie.
P.S. the yellow jacket is for sale, check out link below to contact SSW.
Keep smiling 🙂
Photography – Sizlopic MakeUp – me
Jacket – SSW
Marvin – SSW
Crop top – thrift
Skirt – style avenue
Shoes – Tomy (Bata)